28 Feb 2006     I do listen

You know, I did notice that the file sizes of the images were huge when I uploaded them, but did I do anything about it? Nope! But this afternoon during my lunch break from NSPS training (the new civil service civilian personnel system), I knew I could knock that problem out. I also made it so you could see my whole face if you wanted! At least if you're on 800 vertical resolution as a minimum. Thanks so far for the feedback - I really like the way the portal looks now, and my site is starting to get a bit gussied up! Sweet. Well, hopefully I've solved the issues those of you with dial-up are dealing with. Really, how can you live like that? ;-)

27 Feb 2006     Lookie, lookie, a new front page!

Unfortunately, I haven't caught the rest of the website up to my new design standard, just yet. But you can get an idea of how it's going to look. I'm not going to bother updating all the existing pages - they will serve to exist as my remembrance of version 2 of this site. So, what do you all think of my new look? I had been inspired by of all things the Information Assurance website in my flight - it had a similar 4-panel thing going on and I loved how it looked. Frankly, I think I took it to the next level - especially since it's all about ME now. And if you didn't come here to read about me, then, well, how shall I say, to put it delicately..... YOU CAME TO THE WRONG FUCKING PLACE. So now, enjoy! I think my next update in March will reflect the new design element.

And for those of you who saw my momentary 'This page is shut down' stuff - I jsut had to get the motivation and sit down and do that design. And it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. An hour or so of work, and tada, here is the new site! A new site for a new me...? Hmmm... maybe?

UPDATE: I've gotten to work on the journal section. Not sure how I like it, but it goes along with the color scheme for 'the journal' as shown on the front page. I will soon get to my other sections too. Eventually I'd like to force myself to get my DVD section the way I really really want it. Also, it'd be great to have a guestbook again - Byron, I think you said you had an idea for a guestbook that foiled the spammers...I'm waiting!

Well, enough of this for now. It's nice to finally have an actual change to my site. I've been wanting to do something different for so long, but just didn't know what. But like I alluded to above, when I saw the 4-panel thing on a site at work, I was inspired.

12 Feb 2006     Never a Dull Moment

I do feel better having written what I wrote yesterday. Maybe I just needed some sleep. Damn if I didn't sleep like a rock (or is it log?) on my new mattress. It's funny - my bed is super high now, because the new set is just really tall compared to the old stuff I had, which is going in the guest room. I really hope I never fall off my bed now. It's a long way down. But it's comfy!

So before I went to Rantsville yesterday in my post, I forgot to talk about all the other junk. Like how I'm enjoying Survivor: Exile Island a lot. There's some good twists so far, and some tre annoying people (Shane, I'm talking to you). Also, saw Final Destination 3 and Brokeback Mountain yesterday. Both good movies, but it's probably not the most wise choice to group these together when rating them. FD3 wasn't nearly as good as the first two were, but it was entertaining, at least. It seems in this one, the moviemakers just wanted to off the kids in as gross and direct a manner as possible, whereas in the first two, they kept psyching you out, thinking that the people were gonna die a certain way and then have it happen a completely different and unexpected way. Here, the tanning beds were the danger (gross...), the nail gun was the killer (blech..), and so on. And my rollercoaster disaster was cool, but it just happened too fast and jerky for me. Brokeback Mountain was a good movie - much better than FD3. I'm certain it'll win plenty of Oscars.

Talking about buying stuff - I almost bought a flat panel TV yesterday for my living room area. Almost. I didn't though, and I'm glad that I am holding off. With all the furniture and startup costs for the house, my finances are a tad spent. So I think the flat panel purchase will happen, just not now.

So, there's a post with a little less drama in it. Yay!

11 Feb 2006     Some Observations

So here's a quick apology for not writing much lately. Sorry! Just haven't had much to write about. But the basic gist is that these past two weeks have been busy at work, the weekends have been somewhat uneventful, although possibly productive, and usually when I get home, the last thing I think I want to write or have you read about is my uneventful life. Although even that does sometimes read interestingly, as I've gone and sporadically picked a journal entry (there's now almost FOUR YEARS of journal entries up!) and I will say, I'm a pretty funny guy. I guess that's why I end up around lots of fun and funny friends - like minded people flock together. Because I know I love to read my friends' blogs and such and I get the biggest kick out of it.

So what are my observations? Glad you asked. Mostly about me and my role in the world, I guess. Can't promise that the stuff below will be funny. Can't promise I'll be totally honest either - some honesty just isn't going to be allowed just yet. Can't have some shit in writing, now can I?

So let's talk about me and the Air Force. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. But it's become crystal clear to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I need to get the hell out of dodge when it comes to the military. I'm done. The bureaucracy, the do-the-impossible-with-nothing mentality, the endless cycle of things never seeming to change no matter how hard you work, the sheer ineptitude of some of the people who are allowed to work in the military - yeah, I'm done with it. I know I'm not 'done' done yet - but come the end of 2007, I'm up for finding out what the world has in store for me outside of the military life. Fuck the security aspect of things - life is too damn short for me to spend 12 more years in a military career that will provide me a pension but will ensure that I'm miserable for the entirety. Why should I sacrifice my youth (what's left of it) for something that I pretty much can't stand anymore? So it gets just less than two more years from me. Then I'm done - I'm out.

And since this is my webpage, I'm going to continue to rant about me. Because guess what - this IS the fucking Hobie Show. It's the only place it exists, even if no one else gives a shit. I honestly don't think I matter to anyone else. I know my family loves me, but seriously, sometimes I just don't feel like my presence is needed. I'm not in a relationship, I have no children, I pretty much have no friends - yet for some reason, I ... I don't know. I guess that's why I buy stuff - you know they say that people buy things to fill the void in their lives - my life is a void, so there's nothing to do but buy things. Pathetic, isn't it?

I'm so fucking jealous of people who can go to new places and make a life all for themselves just like that. Take for instance my friend Jason. He goes all the way to freakin' Alaska yet has tons of friends, I'm sure the respect of his peers in the military (because I know he had it at Lajes, for sure), and he has like no cares in the world. Life is good. But here I am, two months into this, and Las Vegas life is beginning to look pretty damn good. At least I had friends there, even if the job was crap. At least it seemed that some people cared there. But here... I'm paralyzed with fear to do anything because I'm just fucked up in the head, I guess. Even at work, people are making comments. On Friday even, people commented to me about my leadership style and I wanted to punch them in the fucking face! You know, I'm not the same as the last person who was Flight CC. I'm not prior enlisted and I don't have (apparently) a great leadership style. But I'm doing my fucking best. I'm not a goddamn General Patton. No, I'm me. That's all I can give, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. And I'm really fucking tired of it. I wish sometimes I were just an enlisted troop - because it seems it is definitely easier to be the bitcher than the bitchee. Hell, you can just complain and complain but provide a solution or try to help? Oh no, I couldn't do that. Too fucking easy. And let's not forget....I'VE BEEN HERE FOR ONLY TWO GODDAMN MONTHS. It's not enough though.

So to get off the military topic, I think also about myself (surprise!). I honestly think I'm programmed not to love or be loved. There is so much anger and so much pity and so much self-loathing, but when I think about things like love, it's nothing. Do I think it's based on anything in particular? I don't know. But something isn't right. A person isn't supposed to live alone for so long and not have someone to love or be with. You know, I'm not even drinking now, so this rant isn't a drunken ramble, even if I try to claim that later. I'm just tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm not. And i don't want to talk to anyone because frankly I know I probably won't want to reread this again after typing. I just need to get it out of my system. So yes, I know that love doesn't come to you, you have to find it. But then we go back to the 'paralyzed by fear' crap. I can't even conceive of the notion of sharing with someone else. I'm too freakin selfish.

Okay, I just don't feel like typing anymore. Do I feel better? Probably. I bought (surprise surprise) a new mattress set and a new couch for the TV room. the couch is awesome, and I'm looking forward to sleeping on the new mattress.