The end of this fucking year and decade. The decade itself was probably my personal best decade ever as I spent it living with and loving Larry, the one I always dreamed of having in my life. But it also is the decade in which I was on the path of losing him. 2020 may be when he dies, but he died this December, at least the full Larry we all love. Yes, there are glimpses of Larry in who he is now, but it’s all mixed in with just confusion and exhaustion. I miss him. 2019 tho? Fuck this year. Despite there being some fun stuff, this year has been too much and I don’t plan on recapping it here. Just ugh. Today, the hospice nurse Jennifer stopped by – Larry’s oxygen levels are low, as is sodium, so we have to try to work on that, but there’s the unsaid statement of ‘does it really matter at this point?’ She then basically told us that regardless, there’s not much time left – a week or so at this point. It’s not surprising and i was surprised she even said 2 weeks. We just can’t have him suffer.
Paras and Carey came by in the early afternoon. They had indicated they wanted to yesterday, and this morning I texted them beforehand to let them know they don’t have to come over as I think I want most people, those who haven’t seen him lately, to have a strong, happy memory of Larry. But they were okay and wanted to come, and I am glad they did. It’s hard to see new reactions to Larry – they couldn’t help but cry. Larry engaged with them a little, but at this point, he’s so out of it. Nothing like when he talked a little to Stacie and Trent just a few days ago. Paras & Carey had printed out some pictures from adventures and parties the last few years – it was a wonderful reminder of times past. Afterwards, Sveta came over and hung out for a few hours – watching Annie with us and also bringing a ton of food. Also we received a delivery from Katz’s Delicatessen in NYC, courtesy of Arielle of my NBC days! So incredibly generous, and great for our NYE dinner. Watched Yesterday as well as I was enjoying watching movies with musical numbers that Larry liked. Not sure he watched, but you never know. Fran and Joel went to bed around 11pm- I made it to midnight. Wasn’t going to not get my kiss from my husband.
